this morning. it wasnt what i was physically prepared for. to start off, i did not grab a bite before coming to work. then, the previous day, well you can say the utmost proper meal for the day was from macdonald during lunch. rest of it, i was munching on leftovers from brithday parties and cakes that tasted almost the same to me each time. and that's it. so imagine how i felt when i, along with others, had to carry big boxes of balls for the ballpool. if it wasnt torturing enough, the air condition was not switched on yet at that time. i was short of breath by the time i took my rest on the brand new but not so comfortable chair at rink.

and today i felt a little absent minded. there i am standing, breathing, talking to customers, and everyone else at work but my head was definitely elsewhere. i was just staring into space most of the time. and i wasnt really reading at the rink. just flipping the pages. changing the tracks of songs without even really listening. walking back and forth, picking up rubbish along the way. maybe i was just killing time till work ends. but it felt so weird. it felt so wrong today. told you im in such a confused state of mind now. even the cold weather didnt cheer me up. i want a clean break. i cant wait for friday. please come soon. please.

i read syaf's blog and cant stopped smiling. i am happy for her. i am happy for them both. despite the many hiccups along the way, they sticked together throughout. i want to feel the same way that she does. but sometimes no matter how hard i tried, compromising, taking in chances, it never had felt right. so that means it's not right, right? im always so confuse. for once, i just want to feel certain.

i cant wait for the many upcoming bbq pits for the coming weeks. so now i do not have to worry much about the weekends doing absolutely nothing. thinking of rai's nephew brithday party got me a little excited. made me missed planning surprises for bithdays. knowing rai, im sure the party will be perfect. afterall, she's the best party coordinator at explorer kids. i want to help out too but knowing how i fair during parties, i'll probably just be in her way. nevertheless, i smell fun coming. i even made a mental note to avoid doing any shifts during those weeks.

i cannot believe that exams results are coming out in 3 days time. too fast. i must now be mentally prepared for a fail for marketing. and of course, i will have to go back to mugging for supplementary paper and also going back to tampines to sit for another paper. definitely a haste and not what i needed now but then again i have to face the consequences for hardly touching much on it during exams. fuck. serve me right.

oh you know what. im definitely rest deprived. but i got lots of reading to do. im left with 265 pages more to go. im moving at tortoise speed man.

Nurul Ain Norazman
180391
i'm a smooth operator in the daylight
and a dancer in the dark