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GOODBYE MOFOS

2009-08-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

Dear awesome loyal readers of mine, ive moved. so long blogger, cause you're such a pain in my ass.
Relink me if you wish to be a nosey poker and keep up with my awesome life.
(:
CLICK ME

it rained.

2009-08-06T00:31:00.004+08:00

He hardly fall ill and when he does, it's one of those badly attacked sickness.
Get well soon haikal suhaimi.

and i miss ainy, fiqa and mazlan alot.
:(

and we had capslock conversation today.
capslock does not mean that we are angry right, R? (:

threadless and threatless

2009-08-04T23:09:00.005+08:00

i am no longer as excited as i was in day one.
i dont know where did it go wrong.
or perhaps where all the chemistry went to?
but truth to be told, i do not care at all.
i care less.
direct translation in malay, TAK HERAN.

fuck, felt like every single energy in the body being wiped out of me.
i am jaded please.
of school.
of things.
of bad days.
of MRTS.
of bad weathers.
of bad hair days.
of them.
of you.
i need someone to god damn kickstart my life.

On a brighter note, im happy with my individual assignment results so far. both a B+. yeay, i can never achieve an A but a B+ is as good as having an A. for my case at least. i hope group projects will be as much better.

pay's in tomorow. i think i want to spend some time alone, shopping. and no, im not a loner you asshole. hah.

and Dear blogger, you suck!
felt like moving somewhere else.

i really miss feeling healthy. :(

she's the man

2009-08-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

so i suppose the stalker application at fb is extensively and overratedly used by everyone and today, TY came up to me saying i was top on his stalker page. WTF. what a total FAT liar lah fb. i clicked on his profile less than a 6 times and that bugger insisted still that im his stalker at heart to the extend of showing it to me using sofea's computer and thus made me all sad and depressed inside. okay no. HAHA. speaking of stalker, wafiy gave my stalker at work a new name.

wafiy: eh mane zac efron kau?
-___-

im so tired despite doing practically nothing at all at work.
made a deal with myself not to take a nap at all, but failed.
had one or two dozed off session with shiffa inside the gro.
and another round in the bus as soon as i crashed the vacant seats.
lucky, i have body alarm stored in me. (Y)

ive been watching reruns of movies that kept me awake.
probably one of the few reasons why.
yesterday night, was rather unexpected. (:

fuck mondays. i hate mondays. why must accounting be on every monday?
fuck fuck fuck the tutorials homework.
:(

there's no such thing as picture perfect

2009-07-30T21:38:00.001+08:00

so the school had ended for the week. i love the schedule this time round of semester. but it's just a temporary excitement since school is coming to a close in two weeks time to make way for the exams.

so i managed to satisfy my second craving which is to eat at pastamania and thank god, for amy who craves for them too. (: next in my food list, cookie dough.

ive planned out my three long days of break. friday night, with the kakak since it's been awhile, ive decided to waste my saturday at work from 10am to 830pm so that i could spend more time with hajar cause im nice like that and another round of long hours spend at work cause oh well, pretty much said that my life is very not happening and the only thing that kept me occupied on weekends, is work. not that im complaining. im fine with it. im going with the flow.

ive constructed for myself the to-do list for the holidays. heeh, im actually looking forward to it cause im excited with what ive planned for myself. ive been controlling my shopping craves for license and im starting them soon after hari raya. hopefully, without further much procrastination. cause i changed my decision so quickly that i cant keep up with it myself. :/

i was hearing songs in my music file and how certain songs made me think of the different significant person. huda and i used to talked about how certain songs relate to a person and made you think about them whenever it played. for example, listening to fire burning remind me of huda's very own version of sean kingston classmate.hah! so, i was doing so and i cant stopped laughing recalling those times to a song by three doors down. cause it reminded me of him. yeay figure who the him is. what an old joke lah. cinta monyet. -.-

did i already mention that hujan is coming to singapore? all thks to my new stranger friend, i got to know about it and im excited like shiat. cause i really want to see them perform live and omg, the vocalist is the sex. i want to go oh so badly. and i hope R's band is shortlisted for the marilyn so that _______. fill in the blanks. (100 marks) ok cease this.

i made a deal with myself. im going to appear offline for today. i have my own reasons why. if i can resist, i'll award myself with the pods chocolate tomorow. SWEAR.

oh i miss a friend. whenever we communicate, our conversations are always empty now. i miss those times cause truthfully, ive never felt embarassed being silly, having croaky voices during bad times and not being my normal self around him. and i thought he was the bestest. and i had no other intentions in mind. not till when things started to complicate. we were at that stage where things are so complicated and making choices wasnt something we were good at. it's sad how things changed so much. i wonder how he feels about it. i blame no one for what had happened. when i thought about it, maybe it's right. maybe things supposed to turn out this way cause at the end of the day, it feels fair and right. and im happy about it. though i knew of some who are disagreeing with me right now. there's always a good thing behind everything that had happened. im sure.

on a happier note, i bumped into sholleh earlier and im sure if he googled his name, he'll come across this entry of mine yet again. -.-it's been so long since i saw him and i dont know why he looked so boyish. someone's on internship already. time flies seriously. lucky him man. it was a good short catching up hor, my party co shifu. (:

now, why does my entry feels so ridiculously long today? i rant too much. and i love this song. the lyrics is super power awesome. amy, another recommendation for you. (:

we talked like we're not nemesis.

2009-07-30T00:51:00.004+08:00

arhh blogger is back to basics. finally lah kan.

right after today, right after intro leisure and recreation interview, everything that are on projects are over. completely done. thank god.
then i could start worrying about the end semester exams that is in a month time.
how i wish i am infected with adik's fever of 39.4 so that i could be quaritined at home as well and used the time to mug hard. how i wish. though being sick gives you a horrid feeling, i dont mind at all.

and i didnt know bumping into me would be that exciting. to think of it, i felt stupid that i used to have a massive crush on him. i felt absolutely stupid. hah. but everyone makes mistake. heeh. thank you for your kind excitement, shazan. but i dont give a fuck with what you've said earlier. it's all a waste on your side. try harder next time. (:

met shaida while she accompanied me pass the time to meet the usual duos. so we had a good talk. it's been awhile. i really miss talking, gossiping and listening to her weird theories of seeing life. and i especially miss working with her and today, was a good catch up.(:

i like to read the past entries in my blog. cause it made me smile, frown, laugh, and made me realize how things changed so much in a year. but im happy as it is now. very much.

i could use with a tub of cookie dough ice cream right now.
sudden craving. shall go gt my hand on one tub tomorow. (:
and im craving for pastamania as well. heeh.

Dear R, where are you?
i hate to stay up.
for this.

about birds and cats

2009-07-29T01:27:00.005+08:00

R: you know burung dah tak takut org. kucing dah makin sombong
me: hahahahahaha. and where did you come up with such theory?
R: hahaah during sec sch ah
me: huh?
R: normally kalau kita lari kat birds they fly kan? now dah tak. they run aje
me: hahahahaha WTF
R: -_- and catzxs!
R: i call them, tsk3, tak dtg, TAK TGK PUN!
R: itu pasal burung tk takut org. kucing dah makin sombong. ^__^v

-______________-

and you kept me awake for this. i swear you're an idiot. but definitely a cute one though. (:

we're one mistake from being together

2009-07-27T01:22:00.001+08:00

i had so many drafts after drafts created and i was still not satisfied with the entry and decides to start from scratch.heeh.

Despite promising myself to turn in early the night before, i failed just cause we ended up bitching about her the entire night. beginnings are always so promising isnt it? but im definitely not falling for it for the 123456789 time now. im not deprived of relationship like so many others out there. i can go on like this forever. it's what i had chosen at the end of the day. im not planning to do the clean up of the whole mess of the drama mama sequeal of a relationship all over again. -.- at least not for now. im happy with how things are.

weekends was awesome. had raihanah's birthday over at pasir ris park and initially, had a bad start in the morning, but managed to pull myself together. it was scorching hot, i was brutally burned, the food was awesome since hajar and i did most of the cooking and yeay, it was so good to 'star gaze' at the end of the day. i hope rai enjoyed it as much as i did with the awesome chocolate cake.

i know it's ancient, but im completely in love with the song, seventeen forever. no particular reason. it just made me smile when i listen to it.

oh sometimes becareful with the things you say. cause you'll end up contradicting yourself and you only got yourself to blame for making yourself look like a class-A fool. arhh slowly, i see people starting to peel out of their comfort zone and embrace the world of sins, havoc and scandals. arhh i know you dont get what i mean cause, i'll always be talking in circles. if you think im talking about you, then congratulation bitch. you just created one hell of a show for me to sit back and enjoy, baby.(:

you know presentation is such a haste. as much as i hate sitting for exams, i dont mind the week to be fastforward to the study week.

im having a really slow progress to cover the fasting days that i owe. 5 more days. this is bad.

oh, life is definitely awesome now. oh it is. (:

you're useless

2009-07-25T01:35:00.004+08:00

they make my world go round. plus hilmah. thank you babies. (:

ANNOYED

2009-07-23T14:39:00.003+08:00

eh blogger annoys the hell out of me siah. while everyone in the whole wide world are able to upload pictures, i cant. bummer.
and there's something wrong with the internet connection. it goes off after 1 am. -__-
and i ended up feeling guilty the entire night and had to sing out as loudly as possible at wee hours
just cause i was annoyed.

yeah you make me merry make me very very happy
but you obviously, you didnt want to stick around

so i learnt from you. heeh. (:

Stranger Obsesser

2009-07-21T21:38:00.004+08:00

im definitely sleep deprived.
i can proudly declare projects are finally over for semester 2.1.
but presentations are lining up and exams are rolling by soon.
we're left with 3 weeks before study week sets in.
i can feel the stress level rising.
i wish i am a straight A student without much effort put to studying.
oh fairy godmother, please grant me the wish.
-______________-

met the usuals over starbucks.
thank you to my favourite chinese minah friend, cindy, for accompanying me
kill time while my princesses took their own sweet time to get their butts to cp.
and whenever she's around, we'll end up food hunting.
i managed to satisfy my sushi cravings. heh.
and bought another packet of pods (:

wednesday supposed to be my self declared NO SCHOOL day.
but apparently sheila the gila postponed the class to tomorow at 3pm.

ignite fest is on the weekends. i want to catch 53A. but it's on a saturday.
and saturday is BBQ night.
:(
and i still have yet to catch my harry potek.
the body feels strangely weak.
and the arms are getting flabby.

i have an absurd obsession that ive just got to kill.
the heart skittered when the orangey blinking light beeps.
Dear stranger, please dont do this to me.

today is Sun Day

2009-07-19T00:08:00.004+08:00

the hair makes me look like a nenek kebayan.
but friends told me not to cut the hair. :(
home the whole day and managed to clear 90% of my work.
sorry girls for not being able to make it to the slumber tonight.
anyhoos, Pods chocolate is the best companion on such lazy day
though costing up to 6 bucks,i want to get more more more of it next week.
catched APM and boo, it's so mundane.
but the performance by nidji, hujan and afgan blew me away.
found out from kakak and received a msg from emma that zul got into an accident.
heard that his collar bone came out.
omg, i hope he's doing fine.
shall make myself useful and visit him the next day.
get well soon, zul.

and i should know better there's no point of saying this here,
but im still going to proceed on
Happy birthday, stranger.(:

morning shift in 9 hours time.
im as lazy as a pig and i need my beauty sleep.
but im going to wait awhile more. -____-

let's hope the stalker is not on shift tomorow. please.

i know you're a nice guy but i hate where and how the text msgs are going as day passes.
im not your baby and im not your dear.
so stop calling me that before i start to turn into a bitch.

research and development

2009-07-17T21:58:00.001+08:00

Naive

i cant believe im that naive.

smile like you mean it

2009-07-17T20:52:00.005+08:00

i managed to clear a day for the so called not paid fasting. and now, im having bad cramps.
dont tell me im such a glutton that i cant resist few hours without food.
nevertheless, im going to clear another day tomorow.

today,i will try my best not to procrastinate much.
with the rate im going, i think im doing pretty well.
well, maybe now and then, ive got the urge to bloghop.
anyways, i hope that it will be 80% completed by next day.
mad rushes, here and there and im getting really tired of it already.

havent been getting my straight 8 hours of sleep.
and it's not because of projects.
and i hate myself for putting myself through this.
i feel so good, but at the same time, im feeling stupid.

i hate it when i think too much.
and please dont ask me if im still talking about the past.
cause im bloody not bothered about it anymore.
ive just got to stop thinking and perhaps learn to ignore these unwanted feelings ive been having.
i dont know what got into me.
fuck this.

i need to pull myself together by the following week please.
im having a killer accounts paper in a week time and im not prepared at all. :(

tick tock tick

2009-07-16T23:36:00.005+08:00

work was work. what's so happening about it?
nothing.
as mentioned by ryna earlier " wahh nurul, you're the only rose among the thorns today".
simply said, i was stranded or stucked with no familiar group of friends to talk to. i was upset. i know, silly. i really miss fitri and raihanah right now. :( im too used having them staying behind to accompany me board the bus every night. im that pampered. and this is the outcome of it.

rahman and wafiy made constant visit to cashier in to talk. and i dont know why they were obsessed telling me about muscles and huscles. seriously, i am not interested with heavy bodied guys. skinny and thin are fine to me. so i told them that, only sexy smiles turn me on. and if you know boys well enough, you should know what comes next.
they go about showing off their muscles and smiling slantedly in attempt to show thay had the package. hilarious. thks for the company cheeky monkeys. (:

on another note, i dont want to go school tomorow. but i dont mind travelling to vivo to get my hand on the chocolates that ive been dying to get. what's with me and junk food? well, i found myself a solution to reduce fats on the cheeks. gui qing introduced to me a massage specially to tone down the fats on the cheeks and ive been doing it wherever and whenever possible. because nothing is impossible. okay no link.

you know what's the best thing to do now? it is to sleep. but somehow, someway someone is ranting to me non stop like there's no tomorow. ive got to stop. like really stop myself. but i find myself retreating.

oh i hate work now. ive got myself a stalker. -_-

because im as vain

2009-07-14T10:45:00.003+08:00

the morning was greeted with a disappointment. i swear. the room felt so cold and cozy, thinking it's raining outside. but fat hope lah kan. this morning, all of us skipped festival event to catch on extra sleep. i think im hooked to amy's syndrome.

i cant wait for the afternoon to meet the favourites. im so upset to know that i cant fast since ya, nature calls. :( looking at the bright side of it, im going around to hunt for the smarties ice cream.

the hair is super long, thick and mighty heavy. im getting tired of not knowing what to do with it. if only, im a guy, i would shave my hair off. ^^

oh i seriously feel that my life had the same old routine every single day. super upsetting.

okay time for schooollll. :(

and you know, you're too endearing to resist. (:

2009-07-13T21:50:00.002+08:00

i didnt know smarties ice cream existed. i need one so badly. real bad. i need it like now. please.

im left with 2 more projects but i swear it is driving me to an early grave. man, please fastforward to august. cannot tahan already. :(

maybe not

2009-07-13T01:19:00.001+08:00

go on, keep me smiling. (:

and huda, you suck! but i still love you like my own sister.

Nobody

2009-07-12T22:10:00.001+08:00

you've got to watch this. spot the nerd and skinny chip kadam. sunday wasnt so bad afterall.

ignore me

2009-07-11T00:01:00.004+08:00

today's birthday party was a fairy theme.
the girls put on their fairy wings and called me teacher the entire time
one came up and said, "you're as pretty as a fairy. i want to stand next to you"
and the birthday girl gave me a piece of the fairy cupcake.
i love doing parties for little vain girls.

today, i had my premium milk tea, peach milk tea and a good long bus ride.
the weather was at its best.
thank you hafizah and zann for the hugs.

fee fi fo fum

2009-07-09T23:44:00.002+08:00

haikal is really irritating.

If you can afford me

2009-07-08T21:54:00.007+08:00

im in need of chocolates intake. im definitely at the maximum peak of freaking out with the piles of projects that is lining up for me to attend to. seriously. ive been sitting infront of the laptop, trying to rack this useless brain for ideas. Thanks to apel, i shed tears all over again. i was googling on child abuse and i read through an article that moved me to tears. swear, life is unfair. im overly sensitive when it comes to children okay. Humans are behaving like monstors. where's the mercy?

the pay is in and i think im trying to resist myself from shopping sinfully ever again. but kakak is making me tag her and nora to the flea market on the saturday night and raihanah just texted telling me there is a sale going on at topshop for a month long. so tell me now how am i suppose to resist?

im going to accounts lecture tomorow. i know i will hate the idea of dragging myself out of bed at 7am in the morning and in addition, listening to that teo PT talked endlessly, but you know i just got to make it at least a pass for accounts and to do so, means turning up for lectures. and im definitely super dee duper excited to be able to meet cindy again. i miss her naggy yaggy self.

ive procrastinate a little too much and finally, ive decided to really take up a bike license right after the fasting month. im not joking here okay. please take me seriously. hehe. Now i still have time to save some money for the practicals and search through pictures for my personalize vespa. berangan nak mampos. -,- sudah ain sudah!

nadiah is giving me two pairs of tickets to night safari and i is excited to go. but the thing is, i just dont know who to bring along. if only i have a boyfriend who looks like johhny depp or maybe adam brody to accompany me. :( worst case scenario, i'll have to pass the tickets to either one of the lovebirds at home. life's unfair. hah. actually no, i dont need boys to rock my world. hehe. there's always huda.(:

btw,

today it rained. and thus today, he doodle another set of drawing. he is random, like that. (:

as cliche as it may sound, life's getting better each day. dont you think?

out of love

2009-07-07T22:07:00.012+08:00

some things are better not talk about. better do without. i have to do what i have to do and that is to let go. for real this time. thank you kakak eka, nurulhuda, syafiqah and siti hajar for being so awesome and putting up with me for all those rough times i had. and for that, i love you girls to the core. (:

and thank you for the waffles and trusting me with the juicy secrets today kakak eka. i know you will read this. (:

you know i know

2009-07-07T01:33:00.003+08:00

please tell me to stop smiling. it's 142am in the morning already.

a little reminder

2009-07-06T21:39:00.002+08:00

Note to self: Dont ever look back
i was crying. i was. but that was before.

because you make me smile from ear to ear. that, i like. thank you (:

roger and OUT

2009-07-05T12:58:00.002+08:00

SCREW ACCOUNTINGS. im struggling so much right now. i sat on the floor staring at the notes trying to digest whatever adjustment balance sheet and whatnot means. well, at least i made an effort to try those killer questions for tutorial. man, my accounts suck so bad. i felt like crying. this is worst than micro/macroeconomics. i need a kind soul to tutor me. :(

i managed to start on my basics entrepreneurship before work later. im left with that last point and some editing and poof, i can send in my work. next, im trying to start on the rest of the projects as soon as possible. i realised semester 2.1 is ending in 2 months time and i will have to go back to tp. this suck balls. i hate the crowd in school. it feels more like a fashion parade than a school.

working till night and im not liking the idea. im definitely having sleep deprivation now. though most of the time, im able to catch up to 11 hours of sleep. adik told me i had been talking in my sleep, snoring and become a violent sleeper recently. haha. i would sometimes wake up with my legs or hand on her body. this is bad. real bad, _____ jackson. cant blame me for saying this lyric out. im hearing the song being played everywhere.

just when i thought i could take a week off from work, party have to come in and spoil it all. i have to cover two tentative parties next week and i hope the kids are down with H1N1 flu so it's really cancelled. hah. i hate wasting my time going all the way down to pasir ris just for two hours. made me feel like some fool.

im definitely craving for prata. i told the parents to get them for me yesterday night for breakfast and when i woke up this morning, i ended up seeing nasi lemak on the table instead. their excuse is, "sape suruh tak ikot pergi pasar".

im a little on the downside. it hits me once in a while but it had become quite so often that it bugs the hell out of me. im desperately tying to shut down these whole speculation but the mind wont give me a mintue of ease. but i'll be okay once i have my premium milk tea which im getting for work. my essential dosage at times like this. im sure i will die of diabetics.

on a lighter note, i painted the nails sea green. yes very refreshing. haha.

also, found myself a new addiction. the boys are yummy just like yummy youghurt. okay wtf. give a listen. (:

I LOVE YOU, MAN

2009-07-05T01:06:00.002+08:00

FOUND THIS IN MY PRIVATE LIVEJOURNAL. ABOUT SOMETHING THAT OCCURED THOUSAND DONKEYS YEARS AGO. I FOUND IT HILARIOUS. I SOUNDED LIKE SOME BIG MAMA. OKAY WTF. PAILANGS, THIS IS A MUST TO READ. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)IM AMAZED AT WHAT IM ABLE TO COME ACROSS WHEN IM DEAD BORED THE OTHER DAY.

chasing the last train

2009-07-02T14:32:00.003+08:00

the bestest day for the week. cause it's raining. finally, safely home. im glad. eventhough i know nothing. this is not the state i want to be in. it's just a temporary feeling. im sure.

i know it's just too good to be true. i should have known from the start.
im so stupid.

wednesday blues

2009-07-01T22:33:00.004+08:00

i feel terrible. i splurged the money like there's no tomorow. i think i am infected by cindy's syndrome. :(
kakak wasnt helping at all. she tempted me to try the ice cream and i ended up getting the fatty food.
in the end, my main intention which was to snip off the hair for today, failed.
tomorow, work. no breaks. i hate going to work now. what's to like about work now?

1249am

2009-07-01T00:49:00.001+08:00

Ra mi o ray a rey rahimi says:
i hate my alarm clock. haha
ohh bagus eh? yela nanti bbl byk2 tapi smuanye bbl kosong
tsk3
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock
i hate my alarm clock

AHYNZ says:
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
Ra mi o ray a rey rahimi says:
coz it wakes me up
Hahaha!!

the reason why im still not sleeping and ignoring other pms. annoying.

what are we doing?

2009-06-30T22:17:00.003+08:00

blogger suck. i cant upload pictures. :(

the period is coming. and the stomach hurts so bad. the moods are really unpredictable.

and im down with the flu and slight fever. this is good news. maybe i can give zoo a skip. it's at 830am in the morning okay.

i want to go kite flying. when was the last time? i cant even remember. but the weather just suck so bad now.

and marina barrage was just a wasted trip. and yes, the weather was terrible but i think raymond was hilarious today and telling us non stop hits of his ghost stories.

i dont want you to be an addiction. and knowing me, i gave the littlest thing a too much thought. i need to chillax. this is bad. this is so bad.

and you take me the way i am

2009-06-29T21:09:00.003+08:00

today is loved. the trip to the national museum wasnt so bad. i love the final gallery that we went in. the pictures that we secretly took is with amy whinehouse. so i cant show you how awesome the place was. haha. funny, that girl bought the exact same sandal she had before. amy amy. shakeheads. tomorow, marina barrage with the groupies again. excited much. trust me, this is all for project purposes ok. im loving my course already. (:

arhh im loving these thrill-feeling that im getting right now. it made me feel all giggly and lively. and that's good isnt it? i know this is really silly and pretty much not needed to be excited about. it made me think back about my kental days back then in secondary schools.

i want to have more trips to frolick. frozen youghurt is a new addiction. and i miss talking to khai. i wonder how he's doing now.

fuck you very much

2009-06-27T20:01:00.004+08:00

fuck you. fuck you very very very much...

this song is the sex. and syaf, it's not merepek. swear! go listen!she always thinks that my choice of songs are lame. it's really sad coming from your greatest bestest and the most amazing friend in the world. hehe. ;)

funny. today i did 3 parties in a row but there was not even a slight migraine. amazingly true. hilmi was extraordinary crappy today that i just felt like stuffing his dick into his mouth. he kept talking to me in un-guyly way just cause i told him that he gave me the typical newurbanmale-lookalike -worker's face(in simple words, gay) at his first impression. swear have issues with well groomed looking guys. it's disturbing. but he assure me several times that he was straight which i doubt totally just to tick him off further. come on, he made me become his accomplice in attempt to steal a fucking pink pig stuffed toys from the store room? why would i think otherwise?

you know, the good thing about doing birthday parties? is that people recognises you. and im proud and happy about it. cause bascially this few people actually makes an effort to say hello or even smile. for instance, about a month back, i bumped into this chinese man at the macdonald who suddenly approach me and said hi. but of course i went totally blank. how could i recognise every single guest that came? and he had to tell me that he was one of the guest, yadayada. sweet.
and another, a family in the car was smiling and waving at me while i was stoning at the bustop. and i simply stared right back at them without the slightest clue who the fuck they are. until, i saw the sword balloons that we made for every guest sticked out of the window that i realised that they were from the last birthday party that i did. hah. selenge. what's new? but really, i just feel so good. wahh seriously, i know this is really random. (:

excited for the lines up of following week. monday, an hour class and off to national museum with the groupies, no school on tuesday, wednesday and thursday, zoo with the entire course group on wednesday(hoping amy cheng would go) [IN ADDITION: PAY DAY], friday, 2 hours of apel and im done with school. please tell me this is awesome. the good thing about being in a tourism course. a chance off from school due to asian youth game.

i think life's been pretty good. i feel good infact. you know they say, fuck the warriors. no link, i know.
try caramel jelly frapp people. it's fucking addictive.
SWEAR!
and saturday at home with the dad and little sister is surprisingly comforting.
if only it's raining.

Truth Hurts

2009-06-24T13:18:00.009+08:00

The first time, i smiled, you waved and you tripped like you always do. frictionless slipper. despite the wet weather. always. and i nagged so that you would get a new one.

sometimes it's true when they say that absence makes the heart grows fonder. today, i broke the rules of every rules and promises i made to myself. i thought of the things i never tried of going back to ponder over.

Things are easier when said than done. What if you know what you want but you dont know what to do? what if you know of what to do, but what if it's wrong? and what if what you want is just simply what you think you want? today, was one of those thinking day that i've always hated.

What's before and what's after now? i really dont know.
thank you for that very long 11 months stranger.

go away stranger

2009-06-23T22:43:00.002+08:00

a rushing start to the school reopens. festival event report is done and over with. plus, our resorts operation presentation which i stammered the whole time is over too. now, 4 more projects to be completed. sigh.

selected my final CDS for year 2.2 and i decided to pick colour and ____ for the first choice. free hand drawing the 2nd choice. i swear i swear i dont want to add anymore burdens. As you can see, those CDS are basically non-exam modules. (:

met the favourites, syaf, hilmah and putri and this time without huda since she had a date with loverboy. and again, we talked and gossiped for long hours over junks. i realised people are moving from one group of friends to another, like lost souls. i pity them.

it was my socks hunting day. the 3 helped to pick up the best 4 designs. i swear the socks i have for work is missing one by one.

im really fucked up of the fact that facebook have zero privacy. what's with strangers taking my email address from it despite locking my personal infos and whatever shits and then they proceeded on to add me up in msn and starts their convo in every weird possible ways. i have this guy who started his convo saying " you really do like taking pictures with all those really cool but weird expressions huh? hello, btw my name is ____"
WHATTHEFUCK. i automatically move my cursor to the delete and block button.

and also, i know that i have some nosey pokers that are reading my blog at a daily basis. i really felt like privating the blog to vips only. considering.

friday night, bbq pit. to go or not to go?

7 nights, 2 afternoons

2009-06-20T00:37:00.003+08:00

ibu gave us all a fright.i was really scared. she was alright in the afternoon but started vomiting and having stomach cramps at night. dad and the sisters had to send her off to the doctor and alhamdullilah, she's better now. ibu turn into a baby suddenly while all of us became the mature adults.

screw projects. i felt like bursting into tears. so much to complete. and i have slides waiting for me to do. and also a blog to be done up nicely for festival events. have yet to upload awesomeee pictures for the project. and my sunday wont be much of a help at all. whole day at boon lay. and monday, the laptop will be used by kakak one whole day. so what now? how the hell am i suppose to complete my work on time? this suck balls. im sure i will start growing white hair just like huda's lover boy. one day to complete. one day left.

it's apparently nice talking to strangers. it was good talking to tawfik. i ranted while he reads and comments. he's a nice friend. at least he thinks rachel bilson is cute. despite the age.

sometimes comfort words help haikal. even if it's a lie.

two parties coming in few hours and im shagged okay.
but i cant even close my eyes.
and i know why.
tomorow, it's a must to buy premium milk tea.
a must.

Reason why

2009-06-18T23:24:00.002+08:00

full shift was a torture. thank god for a kicking awesome partner ahhhhhboon-da. the two of us were stationed at cashier out from bloody 10 am to 10pm. he made me laughed till the mouth feels ever so dry and gave each other an hour of break for dinner. perangai like cb.
contemplating about sentosa tomorow. it's the holidays you see. but i got projects to finish up. and morning shift as well.
bicker with kakak day before and i cried like a baby till 2am. the thing that touched me the most, i came back from work and she gave me a box of ferrero rocher. see, quilty. but i love her still.
erghh ive been updating redundant infos here. felt like leaving this space for good. contemplating..

Are you happy now

2009-06-17T23:03:00.003+08:00

talking to haikal suhaimi can make your heart boils to the maximum level.
if you read this, the reason why there was no kinder joy today.
you dont deserve your reward.
as much as i hate to admit,he does make sense with the things he said.
plus the fact that he never take any sides at all.
a neutral.
thank you abang bodek.
if im feeling generous, i'll buy you a kinder joy hor.

okay tomorow, fullshift at work. pretty much looking forward to the bus rides, big crowds, fatty lunch and dinner and counting money.
im very weird. i know. met hilmah, syaf and huda and as usual, we laughed like there's no tomorow. i want to meet them again for that diy barbecue. syaf pictures please. oh and i also catched around 20 minutes of the hockey match and boy was i thrilled to see johnson with the stick. well, nareeni sure knows what i mean. i miss whacking balls. why the hell did i not just turn up for floorball? sigh.

and,
trust me, i'll be gone like the wind. i promise you wont hear from me and hopefully you wont see me around ever again.

have a goodnight sleep everyone. (:

i love the way you say gd morning

2009-06-16T14:45:00.005+08:00

funny. i woke up in the noon to randomly check. ive been doing it routinely. and it's gone. poof. like magic. and i ended up tearing. stupid.

today is project day.
with afgan accompanying me through the night i hope.
and tomorow is a trip to esplanade backstage.
i cant wait.
im very much craving for some cheese prata now.
i wonder how a friend is doing.
it's been two days since i last heard from him.
me and my big mouth.
well, it's all because of the jerk's fault.
i should have let him punch his already crooked teeth.
and i feel like going to a mini barbecue anywhere by the beach.
i heard from kakak there's a portable and ready-made ones from giant.
anyway, im feeling slightly better today.
thanks for asking.
good day humans.

rewind the episode

2009-06-16T00:50:00.005+08:00

when i thought things started to get better, my mind starts to do its usual work and make me think of things that upset me. ive tried my best to ignore and avoid, but i still feel very shitty inside. i dont why but i'll always have this idkhowtodescribe feeling whenever i face things involving you. it hurts to just listen to what you have to tell cause all i could give is endless short replies cause im just lost of words to say the right things just so that everything gets better. im simply out of words and things to do. i hate the fact that you are unpredictable and im tired of making sense the repeated words that youve been saying. i feel very much crushed. and disappointed. and no matter how much i want things to change, somethings just tell me it wouldnt last afterall. and strangers it will be. i dont wish to dwell on this anymore.

i promise you readers this is my very last sappy and kental (according to huda) entry. huda told me to brace myself and it's time to listen to the bestfriend. i dont know what i'll do without her. i love you nippa. wednesday as usual baby.

and i thk listening to afgan songs help. nope, it's not afgan from a country, but afgan a singer and he's cute. makes me want to renew my blacks spectacles (:

and i miss nurul putri fateha and nurulafiqah.

you really got me

2009-06-12T20:22:00.006+08:00

Thank you for making me wait and you keeping silent.
Tired.

and i swear i swear i envy amirah and hairil.

2009-06-11T23:48:00.005+08:00

met them yesterday.
and they are the best damn thing in the world right now for me.\
nothing ever felt different with them around.
i feel calm.

today,cashier in was awesome with qilah and wanie around.
qilah introduced to me a pimple cream which we were so engrossed talking about.
cause right now i have a bloody huge pimple right next to my nose.
how devastating. :(
got a msg from a happy khairal saying he finally passed his tp.
haha, loser arh he.
and thus i got a free ben and jerry's on him after work.
we bought sand artcraft from daiso to entertain ourselves while killing time.
and had a fattening dinner, cross-legged with some mat rep songs at the background, talking about nothing at all as usual.
and tomorow, right after doing a party,it'll be home straight.
ive planned to dedicate the entire day on projects.
i swear i wont use the internet at all.
let's hope.
and i feel effing fat right now.
i bloody had fastfood for both lunch and dinner.
the whole i-want-to-diet idea is going down the drain.
sad dog.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINDY DINDY KINDY

2009-06-10T13:36:00.009+08:00

birthdays on monday and tuesday.
im so shagged suddenly.
home really late past nights.
today meeting syaf and huda baby.
and hopefully, catch some white butts at the junior world cup hockey.
life is not much a bliss yet.
but i hope it will soon.
im learning to stand up on my own feet again.
good day humans. (:

about you

2009-06-08T00:02:00.003+08:00

im so worn out.
initial plan for today is to jog.
failed.
i had to set up the surprise for hafiz.

work suck so bad.
felt like running away to sentosa.
there are too many hypocrites there.
i just dont know whose words to believe.
for all i care, im there for the money.
and thats it.
i know who to stick to at work.

something is a missed.
i have this very heavy sinking feeling everyday.

and the bomb irritates me too much.
sigh.

fresh air

2009-06-06T12:45:00.003+08:00

erghh everyone is talking to me about wonder girls
felt loserish that i only came to know about them yesterday
haha

yesterday was manifestival at TPJC.
and it looks like an ordinary school.
i dont know why i expected more.
earlier, met syaf over deluxe chocolate.
i love talking to her.
and the the bestest part of last evening, was to meet them.
if only huda and putripot was there.
supper, next to a vending machine.
and home at midnight.
i miss them all especially munirah and hilmah.

im craving for donuts now.
i shall grab some later.
in an hour time, im meeting huda and ainy.
still shagged right now.
but i need to meet the girls.

managed to give all 3 parties to natasha.
hehe
too lazy and not free at all.
sorry hajar baby.
i'll make it up to you.
sunday, floater
what a boring boring task.
last to go for break.
i need a heavy lunch before coming to work.
sigh.

good day humans.

too fat to love

2009-06-03T23:23:00.004+08:00

i dont want to talk about the accounts paper
it's over

pay day
and i splurged so much in one day
had my very first snapple bottle
and i think its going to be a favourite for the next few months

i feel god damn shitty on the way home
the bus was so packed.
i was standing by the exit door
when an uncle pushed me while alighting
sending the ezlink card in my hand out of the bus and rolled down to the middle of the road
trust me, it wasnt even my stop yet.
i had to alight.
i wanted to cry so badly
thank god for a stranger
he saw what happened and waited with me till the roads are all cleared.
and being so gentleman, he helped me pick up my card.
and i just shyly thank him and sat at the bustop like a loser.
what's new?

i lost my favourite black cap :(
and im addicted to fabulous cat
can you believe it?
im loving malay songs suddenly.
not indonesia people, but malay
wtf

and i feel god damn shitty right now
and i hate the reason why

oh oh, happy 19th khairal fazil.
come back to work soon.
the people are such a bore.

those dancing days

2009-06-01T12:36:00.005+08:00

a favourite. for now. thank you haikal. (:

be a workaholic

2009-05-31T22:50:00.005+08:00

omg today was by far the most craziest busiest and most hated day.
a terrible ending to the miserable may.
ok very much exaggerating here. (:

i felt like having a long entry
been ages i think

seriously i need to learn to loosen up.
my whole face was so cramp at work today
according to many
the fact that i could hardly sleep the night before made it even worst.
i had 3 parties in a row and it's been awhile since i last did as such.
so i was all stressed up
and i brokedown at the 3rd party
hajar had to drag me out of the room
thk you baby
you're my lifesaver

rushed home just to catch camp rock and was too engrossed to even check the phone for text msg
out of the 6,the sister love text msg moved me to tears
huda, you're a star.
she's right.
enough is enough.
(:

yesterday, i was feeling spendthrift
i bought a headband at $7.90
and im loving it
been wearing it the whole time
even at home

and accounts paper in two days
will be dedicating the entire two days to mug
i hope i will be able to resist the lappie temptation
wednesday come quick
i want a holiday so bad

oh the hair now is extremely long and extra wavy and curly at the bottom
the fringe is growing too
grown out the bangs
bangs are so yesterday baby.
you know i knw.
;)
goodnight babiks.

random

2009-05-30T23:21:00.002+08:00

the parents going to watch papa rock's gig tomorow.
they are excited as shit.
funny.

chocolate run

2009-05-29T22:32:00.003+08:00

you know the feeling when you just sit staring into space because you dont know what to do.
im really tired of all the facade.
im not saying a word anymore.

the test paper today was such a fucker.
to think that i spent days to study the different concepts,
none of it came out at all.
only lect 1 and 2 was tested in structured question.
screwed up.
:(

a change person

2009-05-28T22:46:00.003+08:00

i wish i am strong headed. someone who could make a decision and strongly stand rooted for it. but i dont. i change my mind so easily. i change my thoughts over things that upset me. but then, when i finally come to my senses, of finally making right, i read the coldest story i ever knew of.

you've found your new found glory.
i know.
now, i need to learn to move on.

heartless

2009-05-27T22:36:00.003+08:00

today.
ive completed studying the entire 6 chapters of resort operation.
im going to repeat myself for the second time
i is very proud of myself.
now, i can concentrate on the drama theatre for singapore arts festival without any worries for the friday test.

and seriously, the brain feels like it's going to explode now.
i cant wait for the two weeks of holidays.
please come quick.

glossy sun and papers

2009-05-26T21:14:00.003+08:00

my individual attraction mgmt report is completed.
i is very proud of myself.
next, study for resort ops test for friday.
i promise myself to complete lecture 1 and 2 by today.
but then, the eyes feel so heavy now.
oh, i was staring out the window in the sentosa tram this morning when i realised that the two roller coaster for resort world is almost up baby.
amazing.
in the morning, i was searching high and low for my badges
when i come across it.
when everything starts off with, once upon a time.

tomorow study date with hajar baby.
excited much.
goodnight loves.

explorer kid

2009-05-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

i know ek used to be the bestest shit. i know the people there are the bestest people ive ever met despite our differences.

first it was fitri.
now it's rai.
in 6 months time, my fav hafizah will leave us too.
then it'll just be emma, hajar and me.
cause i know shaida will leave us soon.
i wanted to crumble as soon as rai hugged me.
but i pretend to laugh and asked of the bus to hajar.
in the train, hajar and i teared like two silly girls.
i cannot believe we're as close as we are now.
i just think work suck so bad now.
and party would definitely suck even more without rai.
i'll miss rai. :(
and thk you hajar baby for yesterday. (:

one project down. a test on the friday. and another in the following week.
i dont look forward to anything anymore.
not school. not work.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

dont talk about me having fun.
when i see you having the 'it' most of the time.
dnt contradict yourself.
fuck.

high on ice

2009-05-24T11:16:00.003+08:00

i want to talk about the weekends. but i dont feel like it anymore.
i miss nurulhuda the most now.
:(

Dear you,
you look better.
you look fine.
you're enjoying yourself again.
im sure it's not a pretend this time.

time for work.

idol fever

2009-05-20T22:29:00.005+08:00

i think that kris allen is the hottest shit.
while adam is just full of shit.
he simply screamed onto the mike.
what a gay but then again i got a feeling he will win.

the girls are really cute
they wanted to write a petition to stop me from cutting my hair.
and cindy talked sinfully of oreo cheesecake while on the way home.
and immediately, i told her that i wanted to alight to get them.
i is happy. (:

AHYNZ says:
hahahahahha
wtf
tawfik says:
hahaha
darn..its so hot sia singapore
btw..carrie better than kris tadi
AHYNZ says:
hahahaha
ermmm duhh
hahaha
why is everyone complaining to me abt weather
tawfik says:
hahhaha
cause ure the rain girl
go dance

oh i like that. first time someone calls me a rain girl. (:
i knw. like wtf.

anyhoos, i cant wait for friday night. to the land of smoke. i want to try it out. it's time. and i miss the guys from school.
tomorow, work at the rink. i can at least do my project. and also, im finally getting my souvenirs from australia. ;) yesterday night, it was missed.

and oh oh say hello to my new newphew. the cutest little thing my eyes have ever seen. he loves to pout his lips whenever we tickles his chin,palm and leg.

okay and now it's time for oreo cheesecake and project runway.

goodnight babies. (:

second post

2009-05-18T20:19:00.003+08:00

home with cindy was the best part of today.
"red hill can also red" ;)
the test was a-okay.
i hope it rains again tomorow.
so, amy could use her gay umbrella again.

and i want to marry a perfect stranger. period.

busy busy busy

2009-05-18T12:25:00.003+08:00

ive got two test to sit for the week.
and two projects dueing for the following week.
busy busy busy.

now, ive got to be in school for accounts.
but the weather is pouring heavily.
and the butt is glued to the chair.
eyes fixed on the lappie.
i dont feel like coming to school at all.

last night, i couldnt sleep.
up all night, thinking.
thank god for amy's text in the morning.
we skipped david's class.
i could catch and hour more of sleep.

wednesday is the moment of truth.
i care less about work now.
something needs to be done.
fast.

i hate mondays.

arrogant fuckers

2009-05-16T23:49:00.002+08:00

i hate work.
it's not the same anymore.
new faces here and there and slowly, the old timers are getting rid off.
the whole system is getting worst.
no matter what, im fighting for fitri.
im going to find ways to bring the bitch down.
for good.

oh, and i hate you.
goodnight.

too fat too long

2009-05-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

singapore philatelic museum is really cool.
for someone who has no whatsoever interest in stamps,
i must say i absolutely love the place.
the weather was just right in the afternoon.
it drizzled.
today's line up kind of boring.
not much that i can write about for report.
but then again, the second band that performed was much better.
i feel extremely shitty.
at the very end of the day.
i dont wish to breathe a single word about how i feel.
i hope tomorow is better than today.

oh,
i need to jog. soon.
goodnight. (:

late night calls

2009-05-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

man, my arms are swollen. it looks really bad. all thanks to the horrid little creatures from pulau ubin. man, how the hell can you cure mosquito bites?
:(

paper cut

2009-05-12T21:04:00.002+08:00

im fatigue. the body feels so weak. im starting to feel muscle ache on the leg. my fav jeans was covered with mud stains. pulau ubin needs a makeover real badly. and surprisingly, i didnt get sea sick today. wasted a total of $9.70 for the whole pulau ubin trip. :( well at least pay comes in tomorow. oh and i shall not cycle for the next several months. met bestfriend today. and i've come to realise how much i really miss tampines. pasar malam, tamp malls, bubble teas, bus rides. huda taught me a new song today. and guess what huda, i've youtube-ed it and now am proud to say that i could sing the song in tune. stop calling me bebal already.

i want to get the red ipod too. or maybe the yellow one. life's unfair. i want to get them for free. :(

oh i really think today's entry is redundant. but i just felt like blogging anyway.

goodnight humans. i want to watch i'm not single with adik bodek. (:

love postman

2009-05-10T21:51:00.006+08:00

im excited for tomorow. field trip. we're going over to rasa sentosa resort and do some sort of inspection on their service there. and i hope wig hair, mikey will confirm about the trip to marina barrage as well.

this entire month, im preoccupied with different events that i have to attend to. ive just realised that ive got another report which dues in two weeks time and i havent start on anything at all. have yet to select the place to go to even. im so dead. i need a fieldtrip buddy man. ive got so much lined up and i got this bad feeling i'll be going to most of the events all by myself. i hate the idea of going to these strange places alone. but then again, im becoming more independent. i think.

anyhoos, fitri bombarded me with a depressing news about her leaving ek today. wtf. she's like the bestest ek buddy to talk to, to joke with, to tease and have breaks with, besides hajar dragon man. i dont want her to quit at all. i'll miss her so bad. i hate changes. i hate the idea of adapting to it. fitri, if you reading this, please dont leave. please please :(

i have two upcoming test too. and i havent been turning up for lectures. and even worst, i havent printed out the notes and fill up those missing blanks. and i need to at least read up on those lecture notes.

and i know i hate pinoys. but then, i just did a birthday party for these two adorable twin of 1 years old. i wish i could steal them, hid them into my smelly-useless-old black bag and bring them home.

anyways, i think this month is a total sucker.

im hanging in there.

impossible remedy

2009-05-09T21:57:00.003+08:00

im so tired of trying to sort things out the right way. it's useless telling and spilling everything out to anybody cause they could never understand. it's unfair if everyone just wishes to hear what they want to hear and just ignores the truths that underlies beneath it. im trying my bestest to ignore. i will try not to crumble. again. i got to do what ive got to do.

on a lighter side of things, philipines indie rock bands are good. to be more exact, they are fucking awesome. i cant wait for indonesian's next week.

moderate torture

2009-05-07T22:48:00.002+08:00

i am strong. i am.

saturday trails

2009-05-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

met the favourite girls.they definitely chase my monday blues away. like today wasnt enough, we are spending quality time again tomorow. i love huda and syaf. (:

and to xq,

i hope things will get better for you soon, love.

addicted

2009-05-03T23:21:00.004+08:00

acoounts suck.
finally, im down with a fever.
nevertheless, im travelling down to sentosa tmr for accounts lessons.
the conversation was empty.
im sad.
and im out of words to say.
things are not as easy as it looks.

what a torture

2009-04-29T22:00:00.005+08:00

now im got a splitting headache from trying to decide on an event to attend for festival and events mgmt field trip report. i just dont know where to go to. apparently, they asked us to attend any of the upcoming events in singapore and write a report on the whole experience. honestly speaking, i hate doing reports. basically because im such a noob at it. anyway, the report due on the 23rd june. what a torture!

seriously, i've actually made up the mind to attend audifashion festival but the tickets are all sold out. obviously, beer festival are a big no-no since i dont drink and i have zero interest with alcohol and whatnot. then the worldwide festival. it's more of a mixture of zoukout cum singfest.but i dont even know a single of the musician or bands or djs that are coming down.plus wouldnt the tickets be overpriced? i guess my last resort is singapore arts festival. but then again, it's overrated. everyone and anyone under the sun will write a report on it, making my chances of passing the report low cause i just got a feeling i wouldnt do as well in it. fuck fuck fuck. i simply dont know which festival to attend to. in addition, i need a kind and fun soul to accompany me to these events.

ive been sitting infront of the laptop, staring at the screen for several hours and biting my finger nails that now looks miserably short, trying to decide.

oh man. :(

okay goodnight cruel world.

knock me down

2009-04-28T20:25:00.003+08:00

i dont really have to wake up as early as 7am these round of semester but i find myself turning in really early. as soon as good shows ended,i would just jump into bed.

as much as i love going over to sentosa everyday, i find train rides really boring now. everyday, i stuffed the earpiece into my ear and blasted music at maximum volume. and i find myself watching the recurring safety video over and over again. or better, stuffing my face on breaking dawn and hardly realised that ive reached harbour front. i miss bus rides despite the fact that i'll end up standing all the way through the journey and having to complain to whoever, it's a millions over better. i could look out the window at least.

i decided to take up ticketing and reservation as my first choice for electives and global culture tourism as second choice. i will never take cutlinary science please. Not going there again. i will never go back to fnn related subjects. i know for a fact that it would do me some good as a woman and a mother one day but nevertheless, i just suck at cooking. period.

this morning. the weather was at its best. i even chose the right thing to put on again. i know it's weird but i prefer it to rain over at sentosa. i find that the food are extremely over priced. everyday, i felt a pang of heartache as money just go lesser and lesser. and and and finally, im proud to say that ive got myself 3 mosquito bites. so cindy, mosquitoes love o blood type too okay. sheesh!

and i tried the new kinder bueno today. i still prefer the old ones better though.

also,i finally talked to the not-so-long-lost-ex bestfriend whom i thought had forgotten me. she still sounded the same old her. well maybe huda and i was wrong abt her. maybe she really didnt see us all this time. i miss nadia rahmat kishlan.

double sided lamp

2009-04-26T11:42:00.003+08:00

im feeling extremely lazy + tired.
i dont want tomorow to come.
there's 2 hours of accounting and the day in school only ends at 6pm.
i've yet to touch the homework.
i dont feel like turning up for work too.
but fitri will simply kill me with those eyes if i dont. :(
yesterday, despite myself ruining the plan,
it all turned out well.
im glad hajar had fun.
mission accomplished.
i miss rollie ollie.
oh she's my pet.
in pet society.
and finally.
the mother cooks mee soto.
good day world. (:

and i miss them too.

twenty4

2009-04-24T22:50:00.005+08:00

finally, we meet the new class. and i think i might actually love it. the groupmates are totally awesome bunch of humans. especially raymond. i really think he have millions over spastic faces. and not forgetting, amy seemed extra keen and excited with a special someone from our group. you knw i knw, amy. (:

oh and i really miss nurulhuda. she's forever working and will never be available ever since school starts. i miss the qiji dates, the waiting for each other under the big mushroom after classes and our friday traditional lunch breaks together. why do i have to go to sentosa?

but actually, to be honest, im loving school. im saying this like for the very first time. im pretty much motivated to come school. well, maybe because i found myself something to look forward to everyday. huda, im sorry but i shall bombard you with endless text msgs with every encounter i make. you know they say, what are bestfriends for.(:

and after school photoshoot session was definitely crazy. amy and i was the crew for the day while cindy posed like a top model. well to be more precise with what i've said, amy was actually only slacking and going around with the fedora hat and accesorries doing practically nothing. and i rly think cindy's camera simply hates me and forever giving me a hard time. by the end of the day, i was simply feeling lazy + fucking tired. what's new?

oh tomorow.
tomorow is another long day.
and also, some rich and creamy chocolate filled cupcakes. (:
now, goodnight world.

power shoulder

2009-04-22T13:51:00.004+08:00

how long more does it take? i want to go on hating you but a kind soul told me it's not worth it. the words that i had never been able to say out is scribbled in a letter that is now 8 pages long. im not sure when the time has come, i would have the courage to pass it on. and im sure it would just be entirely effortless.
i am jaded. to be honest. im trying not to care anymore. im trying not let it get me affected.im trying to focus on the actual fact. im trying to get a hold of myself again. im trying to convince myself that it could never be the same again. im trying my hardest.
what i really need now is a power shoulder.

anyhoos,

Happy legal siti hajar, the hardcore dragon!
your worst nightmare have yet to come.
hohoho.
you know i know baby.(:

a change of heart

2009-04-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

it was weird having the first day of school without huda.
but i thk i will love sentosa.
the lecture room is much cooler.
im loving train rides now.
and i love premium milk tea too.
today i had the most bizarre cravings.
i wasted 3/4 of the money on food.
and i skipped a lecture on the first day of school.
just for a shopping trip with the girls.
but it made me feel a whole lot better.
i cant wait to officially meet the new classmates on friday.
i already knew of one and he's such a friendly soul.
excited much.
and what's more?
no school on tuesday and wednesday.
goodnight (:

nick and ted

2009-04-19T22:47:00.003+08:00

you see, i get confused with my decisions easily. i thought i was over it. but i wasnt. it was pretty obvious isnt it? i almost teared didnt i? stupid much isnt it? how many times did they say dont look back? but i did. i dont listen. yadayada. i thought so much that things are finally falling into its places. you can pretty much say that it's all fixed. glued. but who am i to kid? i, out of all, knew the best. i have to agree with hyperballad. even feelings changed within a second.

finally school is starting tomorow. it's time to get busy all over again. how i miss the piles of projects and rushing for deadlines. well, it sounded weird coming from me. the sad thing, no more long bus rides. i cant believe it's year 2 already. new classmates! erghh. but thank god there's my ahhhmy. plus, finally i could also use my fav purple organizer that had been left untouched for months long now. and and seriously, the idea of travelling all the way to sentosa seems exciting. well, for now. (:

dear mazlan had his final today and i think he was awesome. whatever it is, he's still the hottest and best looking male there. so congrats lan for even made it through to the finals. sungguh proud.(:

it's really weird hearing, seeing things about people these days. how they changed and what they become of now. i was shocked to hear and see certain sides of others today. what they said in the past pretty much contradicts whatever that i heard and see today. i dont understand humans. i probably never will. syaf and huda's company have always been the best. it was just like last time. just lesser in number this time. if only hilmah was there too.

and kakak eka is getting on my nerves. she's on pms. fuck her and the bf.

lust while it last

2009-04-14T12:00:00.003+08:00

i have a very strong feeling.
today will not turn out the way that it should.
i am definitely behind time.

walk avenue

2009-04-13T12:15:00.003+08:00

i took a short break from work. the longest break ive taken from work so far. oh well, nevertheless, im not really available. im all booked. what's new?

yesterday was probably one of the longest day ive ever felt at work. i trained nasri. he is too quiet but not at all arrogant like many others. the secret hideout for break with fitri was thrilling. we sat cross-legged, munching on old chang kee in attempt to go on a diet, talking about everything in the dark and for once i felt like eveything felt like it was standing still, motionless. eveything in my head went on silent mode. afternoon shift with jing pei was surprisingly exciting. forget the rumours. she's a nice girl. and for a short while, i had an opportunity to feel the thrill of being a tarzan. i hooked and swinged myself like the monkey and only stopped to catch my breath and checked for amy around. and of course the walk home after work was actually even better.

i went through a box where letters, notes, drawings, gifts were left untouched for years long. the letters had turned yellow, cheap and stale. and so does the meaning that comes with it. what a let down.

and now im running late to meet huda. we're hoping to catch the abang jonas.and to nadiah hashar, happy legal love! (:

thousands over of you

2009-04-11T23:10:00.006+08:00

i have this millions over feeling all jumbled up in the head. everyday revolves around work or simply me spending quality time with the laptop. i pretty much hate the idea of not working to be honest.

i miss huda ainy and fiqa. ive been thinking about them. alot. it feels like dinosaur years since we 4 sat and had our long fruitful day together. it sucks when the past bruised us and bring so much damaged and bad reminder to each one of us. i thought too much about it. it felt terrible when you had to rack such complex brain of yours to come out with every single possibilities of saving us. saving the almost 7 years of friendships.

the only thing that kept me alive is work. to be more precise, the people. recently, we had fitri's 17th birthday at sentosa and finally,i faced my fear of height and tried the skyride. and today. today is one of the bestest day yet for april. i plucked up the courage again, for the pirate ship. with them, i felt save. and it made me felt ten thousand over better, i screamed all the fears, and pain away. for hours long, i felt carefree again. thank you girls.

and i have a long day tomorow. full shift. (: goodnight.

hide it

2009-04-07T22:52:00.005+08:00

i need someone to kickstart my heart. i feel extremely lousy. thks hajar for sending the indian version of twinkle star video in attempt to perk me up. mission accomplished.

sentosa tmr. i hate the sun. i hope it rains. though it would spoil the day. im looking forward to the hazelnut chocolate cake actually.

i think like a fat child. :(

i feel high and dry

2009-04-06T22:21:00.005+08:00

im all green-eyed. this is so unfair. i been staring at the page for 30 mins long. it's pure love. i want the same one too.

i have a sudden fetish for enchantment. my very own. i been imagining millions over versions. i kept watching reruns of lost in love too. i think my head is in topsy turvy state. this means bad.

today, i babbled nonsense to customers. mixed up all the promotions and return shortages to customers. maybe it's time to take a time off from work.

i was craving for anything and everything under the sun. i have this really hard-to-resist cravings lately. now, the cheeks and tummy is building up with fats. already today, i had a big bag of lays with my all time favourite premium bottled milk tea which i can only found at cold storage.and i managed to stop by the provision shop to get 2 containers of strawberry ice cream which i hoped would last me for few weeks long.

and boon passed his bike already! arhh i am very jealous. it took him only 4 months. forget car, ive decided to take up bike license instead. im praying for a yes from parents.

juiceless

2009-04-05T21:32:00.002+08:00

The body feels powerless today.
im guessing a fever.
it's probably due to over working.
but i dont mind at all.
i wished for a proper day.
with a proper start and a proper end.
something is a missed.
i definitely know what it is.
but i just cant say it out loud.
not yet.
i must wait till september.

1 is blue 2 is red 3 is fuck you

2009-04-02T21:59:00.004+08:00

i put a brave front for far too long.
im jaded.
everyday things are too much to absorb.

young love

2009-04-02T00:13:00.006+08:00

Happy legal legal legal bestestfriend!
For those very long, rough,bittersweet days for the past 5 donkey years back, i thk you're one and only friend who remained rooted by my side despite seeing things at different levels, angles, views and whatevernot. Though you are terrible with comfort words and saying the right things at certain moments, your very promising treats, used tissue and swearings got me stronger and regain my posure time and time again. Despite how you get on my nerves sometime, or how rude and cruel you could be, or how stubborn and selfish you can get, or how immature you get with boys issue, i love you just like my own sister. i must admit im very much dependent on you on every littlest thing. and dont worry, im sure your teeth will be as perfect as mine just in time for your wedding. i love you, hu-gieee. (:

kite run

2009-03-31T21:55:00.004+08:00

work is getting too arid and time seemed to move at slow-paced all the time when im on duty. i have the tendency to stop by ntuc to get my daily dosage of chocolates or sushi before sashaying my way to 3rd level. i prefer to be at check out. i poke my nose through entries after entries from bloghopping and going up levels after levels from the centuries long of neglecting the games in facebook. okay must admit that im anticipating for school to start.

i feel definitely off the wall everyday. no excitement. nothing. work is all im destined to everyday. im becoming a potato couch too. i'll probably be as fat as the hippo by next year. i miss feeling fit.

waffles became an essential to us girls at work now. today, was waffles day again. this time it was a date. fitri and i. we decided to experiment and chose a different place to dine. and the waffles suck. though it's really affordable. the maple syrup tasted like banana. stupid and gross. i didnt finished half of it. what a waste. there goes my $4.80.

and i miss the rain. and huda is putting on her braces tmr. and im finally(hopefully) meeting her the next day. very psych so that i can spout nonsense that only she understands and walked aimlessly but still feeling satisfied at the end of the day. (:

to be honest

2009-03-29T14:09:00.004+08:00

finally a day off.
and i craved for the famous arab street's mee soto.
yesterday sister and i sneaked an outing together.
we wanted to rebel and have our great escape once in a while.
i had a good talk with her
nevertheless, i still dont feel better.
it was a just a temporary light feeling.
i want to tag along for the bangkok trip with her and nora.
im legal.
maybe ibu and ayah will cut me some slack for once.
oh and curfew is still before 12am.
and i bought my first pack of cigg.
for zann.
and i dont want to have a boyfriend.
dont worry.
im straight.
and im late for rai's chalet.

fuck the warriors

2009-03-28T00:25:00.003+08:00

it's coming close to 4 months and i cant believe that nothings change. Avoiding and running away was always what i resort to. i dont want to make anymore decisions.

making decisions

2009-03-27T23:37:00.006+08:00

i must say that work has taken its toll on me. i care less about everythingelse. eclipse had been left untouched for few days long. been taking in junks and im starting to worry about the stamina and health. seriously, in a day, i hardly touch the plain water. it's always mango snow shake or caramel milk tea or fullhouse milktea. but at the same time, i dont mind falling sick. shaida and i decided to learn how to do ferriswheel. now fitri wont be able to complain about doing shifts with angel. and i dont mind getting a set of make up kit just for the coming 31st march cause we'll be having grooming sessions and we'll get paid for attending. anything for the money. (:

yesterday, dinner at simpang bedok and i think i've found myself a new addiction. i'll be going back for more of the roti john and cheese. sizzling hot please. it was a good night especially with great company from the two girls and well okay, maybe the boys. and the funny thing right now is that i miss rai and her non stop rantings and speaking of her, i could hardly wait for sunday afternoon. and i miss my bogel bestfriend too. huda, please meet up soon!

and thank you hajar for the kinder joy!!!
and pictures from thursday night.

best i've ever had

2009-03-25T00:15:00.005+08:00

zann and shikin's company was awesome. must say that i felt ten times lighter and better. all thks to the two girls. gossiping was our game. we did nothing but talk sins. we just cant help it. i felt bad. supposed to have gelare with abang r but ended up had gelare after work with shaida and fitri. but abang r is very understanding. we all know that. haha (: tomorow (which is officially today) is off day. finally. and i cant wait to work on friday. god knows why. i hope shikin gets to exchange shift with any of the memberships though or i be bored to death. anyhoos, im all excited for bestfriend. she's going for her first dental appointment. i still cant picture her in one. seriously? and i ordered a roll of sushi from fad. i have this really weird and overwhelming craving for it. i think im going nuts and fat soon. and i really felt like baking cupcakes myself ever since mazlan pester me for the recipe. and and and im enrolling for car next week after much discussion with shikin about it just now. this means less shopping from now on cause the weekly pay will now go for the fees. great.

you know what? i still get frustrated. regardless of anything you said or does. it's just so effortless dont you think? maybe i shall stop befriending you. i hate people who makes empty promises. they suck. so you suck dear friend. what an ass with the hole.

song for you

2009-03-23T22:30:00.003+08:00

i want to go swimming but i dont want the skin to turn dark.

i told fad i gained 3 kg and it made me feel fat.
she told me to go for sushi diet.
well, of course she has a motive.

as much as i love jason mraz, i have a thing for james morrison too.
i cant settle for one.

i dragged the bestfriend to accompany me splurged the money.
just cause i wanted to feel satisfied.

i dont know why im so mean these days.
i joined in when rai and fitri talked mean abt the aunties at work.

oh and i bought kinder joy yesterday and boy, was i excited to open and find out the toy that i'll get.
well, it was such a disapointment.
it was just some stupid yellow statue.

i want to go for a run to keep myself fit.
cause the muscles ache as soon as i did plenty of squatting and bending when doing parties.

huda planned to crash kaiser chief gig at fort canning on the 7th.
since when my bestfriend turned so hardcore over these?

okay time for antm. as usual, im killing time.

goodnight earthlings. (:

please dont stop the rain

2009-03-22T23:00:00.004+08:00

picnic, cupcakes, sun, mats, lovers, drizzles, sand, sugars, bare feets, cold water.
it was a good sunday.
the mood was up and down now and then though.
for some reasons that seemed greek to me.
but nevertheless, i had a good time.
thk you babies. (:

i dont know if i had crossed the line. im so afraid. maybe i should just shut up.now what? i have to pick my words carefully. maybe i shouldnt have turned the card around. now i have fears. it's probably going to bug me for the next 12345679.. days.

you're too hot

2009-03-20T13:23:00.002+08:00

Tried not to think you're the best. this is what happened when you get a taste of perfection. comparisons.

today.
it's different.
my nails are red.
kinder bueno was the menu for breakfast.
i sang to pcd in the shower eventhough i hate them too much.

i feel shitty again. i want to fast forward to sunday. i want to meet my lovers for picnic. but i still havent found a replacement. stupid parties. fuck fuck fuck. :(

let it go

2009-03-19T12:02:00.004+08:00

it was legal day yesterday. nahh, i didnt try out anythg legal. yet. thank you to those who remebered yesterday and sending me those wishes. very much appreciated.(:

syaf's blog entry was definitely eye watery. it was really sweet love. thank you.

and fad, she is the sweetest thing. seriously, she cooked for me sushi and delievered right under the block. and i've missed her so much that i could burst into tears when i saw her. thk you. (:

my tpians babe. they celebrated my final 17 on the 17th with me. they gave me the most memorable bestest weirdest whackiest craziest birthday experienced ever. erghh, i am now a wild berry. (: haha. shall update you girls on the progress. hehe.

and my workmates. i couldnt thank them enough for being there with me yesterday cause i was definitely deprived of company and they took the trouble for everything. from the gruesome and horrifying movie, making me walked around with big balloon hanging around my arm,the blind folding around ehub that got me a little dizzy, to seeing their beautiful faces infront of me singing to me the birthday song and drenched in honey, whip cream and flour from top to bottom by night. i had a good time yesterday. thank you. thk you hajar, the master mind and rai, fitri, shaida, lily, hafizah, emma and stacey for their presence.

at the end of the day, i was still a little low. cause i was expecting more than ever to see their faces. i missed them so much. i dont know what they are feeling ir thinking. i dont know why things get so complicated. i hate the feeling. thks rezal and haikal for the kind words.

pictures will be uploaded when i got them. good day. (:

you and i both

2009-03-13T16:22:00.009+08:00

fiqa: Bring me a bottle of clouds when you come back. can?
me: okay baby. i try. i put it in a bottle and tie them with ribbons for you.

i miss her. i miss her oh-so-famous bear hug. i want to talk about anything and everything cause i know she will understand. one of the few million reasons i love her deeply.

and i miss nurul ainy and mazlan even more. and of course putri,syaf, hilmah and munirah too.

i came across a priceless something that had me teared up. cause i've never seen anything more honest than this.

maybe the short break will do me some good. i need to take a time out from the truth, the presence and the actuality.

i'll come back in my silly self again. that's a promise.

good day. (:

give me something

2009-03-11T22:54:00.004+08:00

not bad. i've been updating practically everyday. 11 long hours was spent with huda. not the slightest bored. just sore legs, blisters, depleting cash and bloated stomach at the end of the day. results was out today and i improved tremendously.

it's always the littlest thing about you. had always been you. everything that i had safely buried, sealed and locked at the very back of my mind came back. huda called me weak and easily defeated. to be exact, a loser. and im not even the slightest bit mad at her when she's just talking sense. what a let down. im so angry with myself. i was supposed to be immune to this by now. but i let my emotions took control of me. yet again. i could have thought better. im so tired of bad days.

i just need to clear my head and get this jaded body of mine into bed soon so that i could have a good sleep and hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling at ease again

thank you nurulhuda.

prettiest friend

2009-03-10T22:51:00.005+08:00

i will have to give mocca's performance a miss. again.
i miss the friends. i try to understand. i do.
it didnt rain today. the sun didnt do any good either.
i thought they were okay. pull yourself together syaf. i love you.

all i want right now is a packet full of sunshine.
i want it for a birthday present.
goodnight.

its all about bones and love

2009-03-09T22:32:00.008+08:00

this morning. it wasnt what i was physically prepared for. to start off, i did not grab a bite before coming to work. then, the previous day, well you can say the utmost proper meal for the day was from macdonald during lunch. rest of it, i was munching on leftovers from brithday parties and cakes that tasted almost the same to me each time. and that's it. so imagine how i felt when i, along with others, had to carry big boxes of balls for the ballpool. if it wasnt torturing enough, the air condition was not switched on yet at that time. i was short of breath by the time i took my rest on the brand new but not so comfortable chair at rink.

and today i felt a little absent minded. there i am standing, breathing, talking to customers, and everyone else at work but my head was definitely elsewhere. i was just staring into space most of the time. and i wasnt really reading at the rink. just flipping the pages. changing the tracks of songs without even really listening. walking back and forth, picking up rubbish along the way. maybe i was just killing time till work ends. but it felt so weird. it felt so wrong today. told you im in such a confused state of mind now. even the cold weather didnt cheer me up. i want a clean break. i cant wait for friday. please come soon. please.

i read syaf's blog and cant stopped smiling. i am happy for her. i am happy for them both. despite the many hiccups along the way, they sticked together throughout. i want to feel the same way that she does. but sometimes no matter how hard i tried, compromising, taking in chances, it never had felt right. so that means it's not right, right? im always so confuse. for once, i just want to feel certain.

i cant wait for the many upcoming bbq pits for the coming weeks. so now i do not have to worry much about the weekends doing absolutely nothing. thinking of rai's nephew brithday party got me a little excited. made me missed planning surprises for bithdays. knowing rai, im sure the party will be perfect. afterall, she's the best party coordinator at explorer kids. i want to help out too but knowing how i fair during parties, i'll probably just be in her way. nevertheless, i smell fun coming. i even made a mental note to avoid doing any shifts during those weeks.

i cannot believe that exams results are coming out in 3 days time. too fast. i must now be mentally prepared for a fail for marketing. and of course, i will have to go back to mugging for supplementary paper and also going back to tampines to sit for another paper. definitely a haste and not what i needed now but then again i have to face the consequences for hardly touching much on it during exams. fuck. serve me right.

oh you know what. im definitely rest deprived. but i got lots of reading to do. im left with 265 pages more to go. im moving at tortoise speed man.

i want to bring glory to a boy

2009-03-07T22:13:00.007+08:00

i think i shall update a proper one this time.

jason mraz's concert was effing awesome. the entire place was full of human beings in fedora hats in different sizes, designs and colours.(: rezal and i had to gave up counting them. the two couples infront of us was such annoyance, blocking my view and snogging all over each other faces like there's no tomorrow. nevertheless, it didnt stopped me from having a good time. even abang r had a good time. he actually danced robotically and cheered and sang in his oh so small voice now and then okay. i was amazed. and answering to ainy's bonus question, this lucky bitch had a hell of a time alright.(: i swear mraz got me smitten and fall in love right there and then when he started singing. it's the best birthday present. thank you abang r!
(im sure he's going to kill me. just about matter of time.)

10 to 6 party today. and another 10 to 6 party next day. well i dont really mind since i trained two awesome girls on both days. and of course, i get extra helping hand when handling with kids and things will get done quickly. plus on top of all that, my pay will be a bomb okay. jasmine is the cutest thing i must say. no wonder her baby botak is deeply in love with her. the highlight of the entire thing was that we both oogled over a 12 years old boy whose dimples looked rather unreal. i swear i thought i saw him kept looking our way. haha. i know it's either we are out of our mind, or we are two psychotic sick-in-the-head girls. now now, i felt like a phidophile saying all this. and tomorrow, hajar's turn. i am so giving her a hard time.(:

and shopping at ikea tomorrow. excited okay. i like to look at the frames, fake flowers, vases, bedsheets, curtains, and the list goes on and on. i can go get the 2 buckeroos hotdog too. great! and im sadly craving for cheese prata. i want a breakfast date.

and i dont know why but im looking for a new wallet in a shape of a cat head. tell me im ridiculous. i dont know why but my mind is simply getting confused.

oh im sure i'll be up late again today. it's a secret i will never tell. (:

im yours

2009-03-05T14:49:00.009+08:00

im meeting the geek in the pink in 5 hours time.
and bestfriend told me, mocca is coming to town in april
i had to wait for 3 years and finally they're back.
now, i am not going to miss it the second time round.
i cant wait! i cant wait! i cant wait! (:

2009-03-03T22:36:00.004+08:00

i hope things that happened wouldnt affect huda as much. those boys. they dont deserve carrying those balls.
and i hoped too that things will clear off soon and hajar will start being herself again.
i love you both.

when at times like this, that i swear i take back every words and wishes i've made. im fine on my own. i really am. i dont want to be tied down. im not going back. im never will.

took me by surprise

2009-03-02T21:59:00.010+08:00

im definitely in high spirit. i think im going to love every minute and every second of march. (:

i love raining days. the weather always soothe me. it beats any spa therapy that could ever exist in this world. i dont actually mind the fact that it could be a haste to carry umbrella around or when sometimes it gets too cold and the whole body shivers or when it causes a bad hair day when you had to run through the rain cause it decides to pour as and when it wants to without any warnings. as usual. im rambling. (:

it was definitely a terrible-wild-tiring-wet washing balls with ty. i dont know why he made me do all the man's job while he do the simple task of shoving the balls into the machine. unfair. but it was funny. it was already a good start in the morning. and fitri and natasha's lame talks made work less stressful and mundane.

im looking forward to the events coming up. wednesday with bestfriend. to jason's mraz concert with sepet on thursday and sisters day out on the friday. date with tp girls the following week and the 4 day short break with the family, disney on ice princess the day before the brithday. very very psyched. cant you tell? im not even the least bothered that the blonde did not gave me much schedule for work. im totally occupied. (:

last week was karaoke with girls and i was as surprised as fitri when i could sing to the oldies malay songs. from squeaking voices, to ear splitting laughter, mad dashes of choosing songs, to giggling and snapping unglam posers, we girls had a really good afternoon together. next, escape. right. i must start brainstorming for a good excuse to not go. i swear i dnt ride 85% of the rides there. call me coward. (:

pictures (:

now back to edward cullen. goodnight humans.

i want to go solo

2009-02-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

and i really thk ainy and i looked like siamese twin in this picture. i miss short hair. long hair has become a haste now. and yes, it feels heavy okay.

exams is definitely an ancient history. well according to me that is.
finally i could take a breather. away from books and notes for at least a month and half.
i think i want to work less and spend the break catching up and doing stuffs i havent been able to do back then. like my indonesia movie marathons till early break of dawn, stuffing my face with books and junk foods and meet the girlfriends over gossips and random meet ups just cause we felt like seeing each other. but now that syaf is a busy teacher, we'll only be able to meet during the weekends.i totally envy her part time job. :(

oh and i thk it's cute but at the same time annoying that the mother came back, rushed into the room and told us that she strikes(once) during the bowling sessions with the younger sis earlier. and that's it. she even go on and on about how it almost went into the drain. yadayadayada. shakeheads.

oh and i still could not believe i took up the offer to go karaoke with the girls from work tmr. this is definitely something to look forward to. me, sing? right.

goodnight loves. (: